Hey all my lovely REBELS out there
I have been doing this blog thing for the past 2 years. In the past 2 years I learned a lot about myself and what it is that I want to spend the rest of my life doing. If I am being honest writing, is my happy place. When I was younger, I used writing as a way to cope with my feelings. I always found inspiration to write when I was dealing with a breakup, relocating, fight with a friend, or some other form of drama. I could have been more consistent in the past 2 years. I could have written more frequently. I could have scheduled time to write daily. I could have written educational piece after educational piece but I could not find my motivation. I read that you should just sit down anyway to write. Did I, do it? No.
Fighting Procrastination
Why? You ask!
Well since you are asking, I guess I will let you in on my journey. I am a procrastinating perfectionist. Talk about a 2-year procrastination all in hopes to write the perfect post every time. So, I sat here trying to think of the perfect topic, the perfect pictures, the perfect words, the perfect time, the perfect everything. Guess where that got me? 10 posts for my personal blog, 13 post for my contributor blog and self-doubt, plenty of second guessing, thoughts to quit and so on down the negative rabbit hole of brain chatter. Although, I feel like I should be farther along, truth is I needed to go through it. I needed to explore my negative thoughts. I needed to realize I had those thoughts. I needed to acknowledge it so that I can start to work through them.
What is a Procrastinating Perfectionist?
Does this count as multitasking?
Well! Here I am! My desire to be perfect led to paralyzing procrastination which ultimately led too little to no productivity. How does one become a procrastinating perfectionist? Well, it doesn’t happen overnight, it started from childhood. I felt overwhelming pressure to get good grades. I felt the need to be perfect. I craved approval. I loathed the slightest blemish on my report cards. I feared disappointment. Failure was never an option. I learned now that failure is needed. It is a great teacher. Perfection is not possible. The only approval I need is mine. Fear of disappointing others should not outweigh the fear of disappointing myself by not doing what I love.
Can you really be both?
Yes! If you listened to my podcast, you will hear a little bit about my procrastination and the need to be perfect. I recently realized one of my biggest strengths was also my biggest weakness. I used to give a cookie cutter answer to this interview question but the truth is deeper. My biggest strength is my ability to adapt to changes. This ultimately is my biggest weakness. During my developmental years in which making friends and building relationships was constantly changing. The requirements to fit in at this school was not the same requirements at the next school. Adapting so often comes with side effects.
Learning to hide became easy.
Hiding in plain sight!